Home Lagos Traffic Series You cannot find love in Lagos traffic

You cannot find love in Lagos traffic

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Funny yeah? That’s actually the truth. I have come to the conclusion that in this Lagos, we are all angry and frustrated. Forget that some people are driving Benz or even the G-wagon. I know you don’t believe me, just try to break the side mirror of any posh car you see in the traffic. That’s when you know that there is no joy in Lagos. Back to my story, there is no love in this Lagos, and I say that with all of my chest (I’m skinny, but it should count as something) because how do you think of anything romantic when violence is all you see around you, how?

All through my sojourn in this Lagos, I have tried finding love in Lagos, and I have reached out to singles (read singlets), and one thing I can say boldly is that Lagos although a budding mega-city, is not like those cities in those rom-coms you watch, if you drop your bag, and you hope to see a fine young man who will help you pick your bag, I’m sorry to ruin your fantasy, but Sule, the agbero will carry that bag, and disappear into the winds with it. Now, think about the stress of getting a police report and what if, your last 2k is withdrawn… premium tears.

Well, this piece is for you that have cooked up fantastic and ridiculous scenarios on finding love in Lagos traffic, I need to tell you that Lagos traffic is the place for frustration and anger. You may think that you will meet your prince charming or Snow White when the conductor marries you with a fellow passenger, over 200 naira change. Reality check! You will only meet a cranky passenger, probably with a choking mouth odour that will forever scar your mind (in another way, he or she has just created a memory with you… lol).

Yeah, I know I sound like a sadist right now, and I’m sorry to inform you that I’m not, but violence actually resides here (queue in Indabosky’s words here). Lagos traffic is naturally not the best place to find love, especially on Lagos mainland (we know the island is full of people that are hungry for sex). Are you single, and you’ve always read stories of how someone found love in Lagos? Do not worry yourself, the love was found in a sane place, and not inside that traffic.

Remember that inside Lagos traffic is where fumes, noise, people and frustration thrives, now think about the possibility of finding love after a long day of exhaustive work, and the ever-present traffic, now add into the mix, a saucy conductor who is unwilling to give you your change, and the bus trader who is advertising their wares. Cool, no? Now cue in that sweaty guy, who is trying to ask for your number, and doing it badly. How will you fall in love with him?

Okay, let’s reverse the time, you’re rushing to work, trying to mentally prepare yourself for the long day filled with activities, and in the silence you crave, someone inches close to you in the bus only to ask for your number; even though you want to find love, you will probably ask if he has nothing to do with his life, than chase women early in the morning. You see that you are not ready for love.

Maybe the exception is in the BRT buses but pray that you don’t find very clingy people, who have no regard for time and space, or board a BRT bus that is filled with people, and someone’s bum is in your face.

Call me an expert or not, if you doubt me, you have the right to prove me wrong.

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