A sexual fantasy is a mental image or scenario that a person finds sexually arousing, while a fetish is a sexual fixation on a specific object, body part, or activity that is required for sexual arousal or satisfaction.
While not everyone has a fetish, we all have sexual fantasies. From trying sex on the beach or having sex in an aeroplane bathroom, to having sex in an open space.
Essentially, people that explore unusual sexual and relationship practices see it as fun, satisfying, and liberating.
Sexual fantasies and fetishes range from relatively common to unusual or taboo. And while some sexual fantasies and fetishes can enhance sexual pleasure and be an outlet for sexual expression, some are potentially dangerous and adherents need to take precautions.
This piece aims to elaborate on some of these sexual fantasies and fetishes, as well as precautions to take to make exploring them safe and enjoyable.
Let’s start with some uncommon relationship styles that differ from the norm.
Polyamory
In this relationship style, individuals have multiple romantic and sexual partners, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
It may also mean that a committed couple has invited a third partner into their union. This third partner would be seen as the secondary lover. It is not just about having sex. It is also about establishing emotional bonds and love partnerships.
People who practice polyamory, believe that it is possible to love and be in romantic relationships with more than one person at the same time, and that it is important to be open and honest about one’s feelings and intentions with all partners involved.
This is unlike traditional monogamous relationships, where two people are exclusive to each other. It is not the same thing as cheating or being unfaithful, as cheating involves lying and breaking the trust of one’s partner, while polyamory is based on honesty and open communication between all parties involved.
Polyamory can involve any number of people, who may or may not be involved with each other romantically or sexually. While some people practice it, others fantasise about being involved with multiple partners.
Although the concept of polyamory is not new, it has recently become increasingly well-known and accepted, particularly in the West. This is because people are now more willing to discuss their unconventional relationship styles.
Some polyamorous relationships involve a primary or main partner or partners who have a more significant role in the person’s life, while others may involve more casual or equal relationships between all partners.
Downsides: As much as polyamory is not the same as cheating, people in polyamorous relationships usually have issues like anxiety and stress from managing many relationships at once. There is also a potentially high risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections because you can’t always be sure of the health of each partner. Even worse, jealousy can set in when a primary partner starts to feel secondary and get hurt.
Open relationship
An open relationship is a relationship style in which the individuals involved agree that they are free to engage in sexual or romantic relationships with other people outside the primary relationship.
Unlike polyamory, an open relationship involves only sexual or romantic explorations with other parties.
Essentially, this implies that while still remaining committed to their primary spouse, both parties are free to pursue other sexual relationships.
Honesty, open communication, and respect for one another are frequently the basis of open relationships. The partners often establish clear limits and expectations for the relationship and speak frankly about their thoughts, feelings, and expectations.
To be successful, open relationships require a great deal of communication, honesty, and respect. It’s important for both partners to be clear about their expectations and boundaries, and to regularly check in with each other to ensure that the relationship remains healthy and fulfilling for both parties.
Downsides: Like polyamory, open relationships can get messy. One party in the primary relationship may not have envisaged some events in the open relationship and may feel hurt when reality sets in. This can ultimately harm the supposed primary relationship and lead to emotional distress.
Additionally, since many partners are involved in an open relationship, there is a higher possibility of passing on sexually transmitted infections.
Sexual fantasies and fetishes
A sexual fetish is basically a sexual attraction to an inanimate object or a body part other than the genitals. The object or body part of interest is called the fetish.
What one person may consider weird may be perfectly normal and acceptable to another.
Below are some examples of sexual fantasies/fetishes that most people might consider unusual or unconventional:
BDSM: This stands for Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, and Submission. In BDSM, consensual power play is involved, as well as spanking, handcuffing, and other forms of restraint which both partners may agree to explore.
Voyeurism: This involves obtaining sexual pleasure from watching others engage in sexual activities without their knowledge or consent.
Novelty and adventure: This is a common one. People have fantasies of trying new things in their relationship for the first time and enjoy the adrenaline rush that comes from the thought.
An example is having sex on a beach, in a public restroom, in a park, in a car or even on an aeroplane. In long-term and committed relationships, keeping novelty alive is important for fighting bedroom boredom and maintaining an active and interesting sex life.
Role-playing: A bit similar to BDSM, this involves acting out sexual scenarios, often involving power dynamics, such as doctor-to-patient or teacher-to-student.
Exhibitionism: This is a sexual fetish where individuals derive pleasure from exposing their bodies or sexual activities to others, either in public or in private. Here, the potential of getting caught, seen, or overheard adds to the excitement.
Fetishism: All sexual fetishes fall under this group, where people are sexually attracted to specific objects, body parts, or materials, such as feet, latex, leather, or other items.
Paedophilia: This is a persistent, strong, sexually arousing fantasy, urge, or action involving children. It is classified as a mental health disorder.
Sex orgy: Here, a group of people engage in sexual activities together, such as vaginal, anal or oral sex, masturbation, and other sexual acts. The group can be made up of people of different genders and sexual orientations, and the sexual activity can be consensual and negotiated beforehand.
In some cultures and societies, sex orgies are considered taboo or illegal, while in others they are accepted and celebrated as a form of sexual exploration and expression.
Dangers or risks
Although sexual fantasies and fetishes can be fun and satisfying, they may come with potential risks that you should know.
- Health dangers
Some fetishes and fantasies involve high-risk activities that can be dangerous or potentially deadly, such as choking, bondage, or extreme BDSM practices. Certain weird fetishes also have an impact on health.
- Mental health concerns
Some fetishes and fantasies may be associated with underlying mental health issues, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety, or trauma-related disorders.
- Legal issues
Certain fetishes and fantasies may be illegal, such as voyeurism, exhibitionism, or paedophilia, which can lead to legal issues and consequences.
- Relationship problems
Fetishes and fantasies can also cause problems in intimate relationships if one partner does not share the same interests or feels uncomfortable with the other partner’s desires.
- Addiction or compulsive behaviour
In some cases, sexual fantasies and fetishes can become addictive and interfere with daily life. Some individuals can become so fixated on their fetish or fantasy that it becomes the only way they can achieve sexual gratification. This can lead to compulsive behaviour, such as the need to act out the fetish or fantasy, even when it is inappropriate or potentially harmful.
- Stigmatization and shame
Some sexual fantasies and fetishes are stigmatized by society or may be perceived as taboo. This can lead to feelings of shame or embarrassment, which can negatively impact a person’s self-esteem and mental health. Remember that there is nothing inherently wrong or shameful about having sexual fantasies or fetishes, as long as they are consensual, legal and safe.
Precautions
Exploring sexual fantasies or fetishes can be exciting and fulfilling, but it’s important to take certain precautions to ensure that the experience is safe and consensual. Here are some precautions to consider when exploring sexual fantasies or fetishes:
1. Research and educate yourself: For starters, before exploring any of your sexual fantasies or fetishes, do your research and make sure you understand the potential risks and how to engage in the activity safely.
2. Communicate: Be sure to discuss your fantasies or fetishes with your partner or partners, and ensure everyone involved is fully aware and consents to the activities being engaged in.
3. Consent is important: Regardless of how appealing the fantasy or fetish may seem, it is never okay to coerce or pressure someone into engaging in sexual activities that they are not comfortable with. All parties involved should give clear, enthusiastic and informed consent before engaging in any sexual activity. Consent should be ongoing and can be withdrawn at any time.
4. Don’t throw caution to the wind: Some fetishes or fantasies may involve physical or emotional risks, such as bondage, impact play, or humiliation. It’s important to ensure that the activities being engaged in are safe and that necessary precautions are taken to avoid injury or harm. This may involve using safe words, establishing boundaries, and using appropriate protective gear, such as condoms or dental dams.
This also involves both partners getting tested for STIs before engaging in any sexual activity, including oral sex. Regular testing can help ensure that both partners are aware of their STI status and can take appropriate precautions to protect themselves and other STIs, such as herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhoea, and HIV.
Final notes
Sexual fantasies and fetishes can be a fun aspect of human sexuality, but it’s important to approach them with caution and respect for boundaries and safety (emphasis on consensual and safety) and with any sexual activities. Taking these precautions can help ensure that exploring sexual fantasies or fetishes is a safe and enjoyable experience for all parties involved.
Additionally, if you find out that your fantasies or fetishes are causing distress or interfering with your daily life, you may want to consider seeking professional help.
